Book 20: Signs and a Vision

(Yawn) I am so exhausted!! I was up very late last night watching angrily as those horrible suitors take several palace women up to their beds. I contemplated striking each one down but immediately (and somewhat reluctantly) surpress my anger. However, even after the suitors were long in bed, I couldn’t shake this feeling that Telemekhos and I wouldn’t be able to defeat all of those suitors (I know, I know, being a war hero, one must always have faith in their plan, and execute in flawlessly, but you never know what could happen, and it will be hundreds against 2…not including Athena). Then, Athena herself appears to me and assures me that anything is possible when the Gods are on your side and out victory over the suitors is fate. Upon her reassurance, a welcome sleep drifts over my eyes. Meanwhile, despite all the forewarnings of my return, Penelope still believes I am hanging out with Hades in the underworld and she wishes to join me there so we can be “happily ever after”, but let me tell you something…in Greek fairytales, the “happily ever after” DOESN’T exist. Poor Penelope’s cries for helps wakes me at dawn and I pray to the almighty Zeus for a reassuring sign…Zeus grants this with a comforting clap of thunder.
The next day a suitor named Philoitios takes me by the hand and welcomesme to Ithaka (Oh, please). He praises the me and talks about his wish for Odysseus’ return. The beggar then swears by Zeus that Odysseus will return soon to banish the suitors and regain his kingdom. Meanwhile in a nearby field, the suitors are planning the murder of Telemakhos but quickly put a stop to the plan after witnessing a sign: an eagle with a rockdove in his claws flying above them.
Later that day the suitors begin to feast. Telemakhos invites me to dine with them and I (again!!!) receive repeated physical and verbal abuse from the suitors, this time, however, I remain calm, cool and collected. Theoklymenos then gives the suitors a warning that their blood will fill the halls and death will overcome them if they continue such secretive plans.
The suitors continue to provoke my son Telemakhos with jokes about his friends. My lovely (and somewhat sad seeming) wife Penelope observes the suitors’ wild behavior while Athena and I prepare for vengeance….
Haha I can’t wait!

-Odysseus

Book 21: The Test of the Bow

Check it suitors!! I beat you all in Penelope’s challenge and there is n-o-t-h-i-n-g you can do about it!! What’s that you want me to recap yesterday? Gladly. When I wake up in the morning, I realize that I can’t take my secret anymore, it has to be let out…I have to tell SOMEONE about it otherwise I will go crazzzyyy! I finally decide that it would make the most sense for Eumaios and Philoitios to be the one’s I share it with, considering there extreme loyalty to me over the past few weeks. Anyways, this part of my day was completely lame compared to what happens next, so let me fill you in…The day begins with Athena and Penelope discussing an appropriate challenge for the suitors to win my poor wife’s heart. The two women then go and retrieve my coveted bow from the stockroom, announcing that anyone who can string it and shoot an arrow through a line of 12 axes shall be the husband of Lady Penelope. Suitor’s of all shapes and sizes try and all fail, even our son Telemekhos has no luck. And remember that fateful suitor, Antinoos? He suggests that we take a break, make a sacrifice to archer god Apollo (please, like THAT will help him??) and continue the games later. Still disguised, I ask Anitnoos politely for the bow, much to his dismay. Keeping my cool as he ridiculed me, calling me a “drunk” and saying that I would never succeed, I neatly shot all arrows through the axes, with ridiculously good accuracy (like you would expect anything else from the Great Odysseus, right?)

Cya soon!

-Odysseus

Book 18:Recognitions and a Dream

I don’t know why I ever cheated on my wife. She is absolutely the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me and I simply can’t live another day of my life without her. The unfortunate truth, though, is that I will have to. I am not sure how many more times I can see her though while resisting the urge to throw my arms around her and declare that I am her husband, the Great Odysseus, and I am here to stay. Believe me, if I had know this whole secret this would be this difficult, I would have just told her the truth straight from the beginning.
Why the sudden change in thought, you ask? Well, let me start from the beginning. After the suitors have retired to their beds, Athens Telemekhos and I safely dispose of all of the arms in the castle. Athena then bid us goodnight, and Telemekhos returns to his room, and just as I turn on my heel and am about to leave, I am joined by my wife Penelope, coming downstairs to see her peculiar late night visitor. Remembering that I had said that I had met her missing husband Odysseus, she tests me by having me describe him. As I begin to describe myself with pinpoint accuracy, the suddenly bursts into tears, for I have recounted myself to such perfection. Heartbroken, I tell her the story of how I came to Ithaka and confide in her that Odysseus is indeed still alive, and that I predict he will return within the month. Politely declining her offer of a bed to sleep in, her nurse Eurykleia begins to wash my feet, despite my protests. I begin to relax, but a gasp from Eurykelia startles me. She had recognized me by the scar I received on my foot while boar hunting with my grandfather Autolykos years ago!! Begging the loyal nurse to keep me a secret, Eurykleia recovers and heads off to bed. An exhausted Penelope then shares with me a dream she had in which an eagle swoops down upon her twenty pet geese and kills them all; it then perches on her roof and, in a human voice, says that he is her husband who has just put her lovers to death. Realizing what this means, I try to convince her that she should wait fro her long lost husband to “return home” and not marry another suitor. Despite my efforts Penelope confides in me that she will choose the first suitor who can shoot and arrow through the holes of 12 axes.
Goodnight, I’m exhausted

-A Depressed Odysseus ☹

Book 18: Philosophical Musings

Well, I have been doing some thinking...And i realized what an imapct this journey has had on my life. Not only on the journey itself, but also my return home, and my realization of what i have missed both in my personal and political life. In addition, I now know the impact that the will of the Gods have on the outcome of a situation. "What man believes in woe to come, so long as valor are supplied him by the Gods?" This makes me question the original power i once believed that i possessed...was i, the Great Oydsseus merely a mortal man who was supremly liked by he Gods, with no special strenghts??! Imagine if this idea got out..Oh! how it would tarnish my reputation! That should never happen of course, this will remain a secret between us...will it not?
Perhaps my fame has also been greatly influenced by my so called "class status?" Or the influence that my father left for me, all of his wealth and fame? OMG I can't believe this is actually happening to me! I am questioning my authority as Lord Odysseus...never, if you had asked me years ago, would i be doubting mystrenghts and fame. Oh well, I guess this is what happens when one is away from his hometown for 20 years...I have now realized that I am relying too much on the physical things in my life, whereas I should focus more on what is happening "on the inside" as they say. Don't you dare call me superficial though, because I am SO not.
Hmm...the Gods, shall we talk more about them now? I mean how tempermental are they? They can just fling consequences upon you with a quick snap of their pampered fingers!! (And Zeus...please don't hurt me for saying this but...) WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO PLEASE YOU? Everyone knows it is unrealistic to be able to make all of you happy, so we just have to pray to you and hope you will throw down some miraculous gift to us from Mt. Olympus! Unbelievable, I say! They totally pick favorites, and once your a favoroite of the Gods you are pretty much set for life...unless you anger them, which, believe me is not exactly the best idea in the world (trust me i know from experience with Poseidon...ugh). With the help of a GOd, any average Joe can become a war hero like myself...however in my case it is different because I totally worked my way up form where i am now (right?? no help from the Gods?). Well tell me this, if one of these average Joes randomly did something to disrespect the Gods, their "gift" would ah-bviously be taken away from them, and what would they do? They would still have to live up to their name, but without their signature "claim to fame" that is impossible! Oh that just makes me so mad!
At this point, I can only think of one thing worse then the Gods....THE SUITORS. who do they think they are trashing my homeland like that?? Going and getting drunk and fighting, ruining everything I worked years to accomplish! Well I have a little tip for them, they had better not get used to it because I, the Great Odysseus am coming back...and there is nothing they can do to stop me. "the master will return, I tell you; to his own place and soon; for he is near. So may some power take you out of this land and homeward, softly, not to face that man the hour he sets foot on his native ground. Between him and the suitors there is no way out unless by blood..." Take that!! P.S. they can't sense my insecurity in that phrase can they?? I mean what if I don't beat them? Can you imagine that? The Great Odysseus back to his homeland and not able to defeat it's current inhabitants?

Oh man, now I am stressed out...I have to go plan!

-Odysseus

Book 17: The Beggar at the Manor

How insulting!! I walk in to the Ithikan palace, (MY OWN, mind you) and I am greeted by the horrid suitors with mediocre food and equally horrible insults. One in particular, Antinoos, was exceedingly rude to me, even going to far as to disrespect me by hitting me with a bar stool! Does he have ANY idea who I am? Well, probably not considering I’m dressed in rags and my hair is long and scraggly, much to my distaste. Mark my words, when I once again reign supreme in this town, all of these brutal suitors will be forever banished from the land I worked so hard on to succeed. I know it may sound to you that I am a whiner of some sort, but I can assure you that I am not! I mean,,can you blame me? I’m a war hero of celebrity status and here I am standing in my own home being his by my one of a kind pieces of furniture!!! Unbelievable, is all I can say, and fortunately, my wife thought so too, asking that I be sent up to her wing, so she could hear the elaborate stories my beggar character has to tell. Readers, I’m sure you have now heard enough of my complaining, so here’s a quick update from my son (!) Telemekhos…

Hey guys, good to talk to you again…
Here’s a quick recap of what’s been going on lately:
As much as I didn’t want to, Eumaios and I left my father in out secret hut while we returned to the palace, much to the delight of my (teary eyed) mother, Lady Penelope. Sitting down to one of the palaces deliciously familiar meals, mom asked, me about Odysseus, and as much as it kills me to lie to her, I have to for the sake of our plan. I vaguely describe the news I have heard of Odysseus from the people of Pylos and Sparta, but nothing more. Our plan is almost sabotaged, however, when the idiot Theoklymenos, insists to my mother that he has seen Odysseus with his own eyes in Eumaios’ hut!! In a panic, I dismiss the thought indifferently, praying that my mom believes me and not Theoklymenos, which of course she did…but that was a close call, one in which I hope never to experience again.

That’s all we have for today, but hopefully, we will be reporting back to you soon.

Odysseus & Telemekhos

Book 16: Father and Son

At last!!! After 20 years I am finally reunited with my beautiful child Telemekhos!! My, how he has grown since I last saw him, and words cannot express the joy that I feel at this very moment. After living on the island of Olygia, I had become accustomed to living without those I care the most about, but after being reunited with my son I realize that there is nothing more gratifying then seeing what a remarkable young man he has become. Ok, I get it, enough with the mushy stuff, right? But just let me brag for a second about how great of a warrior he has become. After our tearful (yes, the Great Odysseus, tearing up) reunion, we devised a plan to overthrow those vicious suitors taking over my kingdom. After deciding that a surprise attack from inside the palace would be our best bet, we cam e to the conclusion that I would enter the palace dressed as a beggar and then Telemekhos hides the palaces’ weapons in an area not easily accessible to the suitors, and then kill them with out own weapons. This is easier said then done however, keeping both my own and Telemekhos’ arrivals secret is a very difficult task in itself. In fact, we appointed Eumaios to be the one to tell my dear wife, Penelope of our son’s arrival. However, before Eumaios could even get to her, a messenger from Telemekhos’ ship came and informed the down. Only a minor misstep in the plan, this was, compared to the secret plan the suitor’s had to kill Telemekhos before he has time to call his arrival assembly!!! That would ruin everything!
Sorry for such a short bog this time, but I really have to go…the fate of my son depends on it!

-Odysseus

Book 12: Sea Perils and Defeat

I...am...soo...tired!! After continuing my exhausting journey to the island of Aiaia. I had my crew bury the body of little Elpenor from the island of Kierke. Before departing the island, however,Kierke describes to me all of the obstacles I will be facing in the near future!! Just the thought of having to go through all of them makes my head spin! Nonetheless, we set sail for the beautiful island of the Seinrenes, having been forwarned of them by Kierke, I carved balls of hot wax and put them in to the ears of my crew so they would not hear the depressing songs that came from the lips of the dreaded sea nymphs. Unfortunatley, the seductive songs of the Seirenes penetrated my brain claiming to tell tales of my future, and myself, being a ladies man, could barley resist their strings of depressing notes. Let me tell you though, the daunting tales of the Seirenes were nothing compared to what I had to endure next, navigating in between the straits of Skylla, an enormous six headed monster and Kharybdis a huge whirlpool, that threatens to swallow our entire ship. Per Kierke's instructions, our ships sails into the dangerous waters of Skylla's lair. I watch in horror as it swallows up six of my crew members, on for each head. Overwhelmed with guilt, but knowing I had to press onward, we continued to sail to the island of Thrinacia, or the island of the Sun, wanting to avoid it entirely, I begin to steer our ship away, but Eurylokhos convinced me to land there. Much to our disamy, a severe storm keeps out ship planted on the island for a majority of the month!! And you know what happens after being stranded on an island for a moth...YOU RUN OUT OF FOOD! And of course, my so called "loyal" crew decides, in the middle of the night may I add, to slaughter the cattle of the island of the Sun. This desgraceful act by my crew angered the "God all mighty Zeus" and he sends another destructive storm out way, taking the lives of my entire crew, excluding myself of course!!
I am still getting over the loss of my entire crew and that is all of the information I care to share with you right now
-Odysseus